Short story, being a single man in your late 20s with no children is a wonderful perk to have in life. Extended story:
While working at Safeway on 38th St. in Tacoma, Wa, I used to go to the Starbucks located inside and around the far corner of the store. I enjoyed going here not only for my nice, refreshing, boldened black coffee but also for the interactions with the employees there. While job-hunting early summer in 2017 one of the places I applied for was that specific Starbucks. I felt Starbucks really fit my laid-back hipster-hippie personality. So naturally, I wasn’t surprised I got along with the baristas there.
When She Finds Out You’ve Made It This Far With No Children. . .
Back in mid-September 2017, I had a particular interaction I won’t forget. One of the women there struck up a conversation with me while I was grabbing a coffee during my break. The conversation was basically probing questions: Was I single? How long was I single? Did I have any children? She also asked how old I was (27) as well. And let me tell you, you should’ve seen the look on her face when she discovered I was single, 27, with no children. She is an attractive woman with two kids whom she loves gushing about. Of course, I knew better than to ask for her age if she didn’t bring it up herself. But after she found those things out about me, it’s as if she was staring at Big Foot.
I bring this story up not to gloat about my prowess as a single man, but to remind every man out there in his late 20s who’s still single with no children to cherish that. Take utmost pride in that. It may be tough looking on Facebook and Instagram and seeing all of your childhood buddies getting locked down and starting families. It may be even harder witnessing some of the women you used to adore now starting beautiful families of their own.
Resist The Urge To Relinquish Your Freedom
Through all the temptation, just remember you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be in life. Take advantage of this opportunity. Use this time to learn more about yourself and what you want. Reflect (in a healthy manner of course) on some of the relationships you’ve had in the past. Think about what worked and what didn’t work. Remember the things you didn’t want in those relationships and carry that newfound knowledge from those failed relationships with you. What about the things you missed as a single man, that you took for granted? With no relationship or children tying up your focus and time, there’s nothing outside of a busy career stopping you from picking up right where you left off.
Now About Being a Single Man In Your Late 20s With Now Children. . .
Bringing it back to my Starbucks story, this woman seemed astounded that there she was looking at a 27-year-old single man with no children. To be very honest with you, I enjoyed that interaction. I liked that reaction. Here in front of me was a woman who if she hadn’t had children, it’s a good possibility she may have viewed me as her being out of my league. But that all went out the window when she realized she was looking at a man of my age with no children. Of course, I’m choosing to remain single in the foreseeable future for my own reasons. Now, I know there may be some women reading thinking what a cocky asshole I may be, but bear with me. Men in their early and mid-20’s take a lot of hits. If they’re not in college, they better be doing something other than flipping burgers. While in college if blessed with the opportunity then they better have it going on, whether that be an athlete or an aspiring doctor. If you’ve graduated from college, you’d better be making money and working towards that top executive spot, like now.
The Hits And Criticism a Single Man In His Mid 20s With No Children Begin Encountering
Unfortunately, we as men are often looked down once we hit a certain age or milestone in life and we’re still single. I can’t really comment through personal experience about being single in my mid-20’s because my 3-year relationship filled that gap. But I have observed single men in their mid-20’s, most notably from close friends, my brother, and ex-brother-in-law. Through listening to their frustrations in the dating game, a common theme that came up was that women’s interest in them seemed to decline if they were at a point in their life where a steady income didn’t mean Lead Shift Manager at Game Stop or Target. And this was even if they at least had their Bachelor’s.
It seems the mid-20’s for men is a purgatory stage where they’re not expected to have children, but they should be making bread in a respectable field by now. As a matter of fact, if you have children you may be judged. So as a man in that age bracket, the frustration seems to lie in the fact that their potential partners want them to already be there. This may force many men into relationships and families they may not have wanted at the time or been ready for. I know seeing my friends struggle in the dating game contributed to me holding onto a relationship I had no business holding onto for that long.
So Now You’re In Your Late 20’s and Still Single. . .
By now, you may start noticing that some of those relationships your friends are in that you once viewed as solid are now on the rocks. Either they’re having problems or they’re divorced. From my experience being in the 27-28 year bracket, of all my friends who’ve gone through a divorce, not a single one ended with no children involved. Now I’m not saying this is a bad thing, to all my fathers reading this. This is just to drive in the point to my single fellas with no kids that this is not a negative thing. Because not only are the men leaving with children, my women friends are as well.
Me personally, I know where I am in life. I adore children and know I’ll exude so much love and pride when I one day become a father, but I’m just not there yet. For one, I’m not currently dating or looking for a relationship right now. But if I was, I would be very mindful if she has children. Not only am I not ready, she may feel I’m not a proper match for her children as well and would prefer not to waste hers or daughter’s time moving forward. It clearly goes both ways.
And Communication Is Key
It’s paramount you communicate to her where you stand about children up front. If you’re a single man in your late 20s with no children still and you prefer to keep it that way for your own reasons, you have every right to. If you’re dating, be upfront with where you stand. At our age, there’s a good chance she’ll appreciate your honesty in a world full of games.
After I got out of my toxic 3-year relationship at the end of the year in 2016, I naively decided to jump right into another relationship. She was an amazing woman, don’t get me wrong. Beautiful, smart (MS as a Social Worker), and focused. She also had a 7-year-old daughter. As we went out and spent more time together, the two of us became more like the three of. Like all the time.
Being 26 at the time, I was beginning to sharply become aware of the fact that I wasn’t ready to be a father. Her daughter was a sweetheart, but like all children, she had moments that required strict and aware parenting. For example, while her mother would take a nap after finishing up an assignment, I would be left to watch and entertain Lydia (not her real name). Let me tell you something; this one was a fierce ball of youthful energy. I’d be on the couch catching up on episodes of Prison Break, but she wanted me to catch her while she jumped off the living room coffee table and into my arms.
It’s Ok To Take This Time To Be Selfish
As fun as she was at times, I was exhausted. I wasn’t ready for this. Literally two months earlier marked the end of a critical relationship in my life, so I was drained physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It wouldn’t be fair for me to continue moving forward as if I would just suddenly grow into the role of a stepfather. Granted she wasn’t looking for a man to be a father to her daughter, it was still something to be taken into consideration since we were already talking about moving closer together. Most importantly though, I knew staying with her wouldn’t be fair to me. I knew I had some growing to do in every area of my life, so I respected myself and ended the relationship.
You’ll Get Some Women Who Won’t Respect Your Decision: Onward With Your Life!
While at work, I was recently telling a coworker my age that it was ok to be a single man in your late 20s with no children right now. He was telling me about how he was upfront about not wanting to date women with children. Believe it or not, some women he told were upset and felt he was discriminating. I told him I’ve gotten the same messages. Sometimes I’ll get a message on a dating app. We hit it off for about two minutes. As we get deeper into the conversation she reveals she has children. I politely tell her I’m not ready to date a woman with children yet. Most respect the fact that I’m not wasting their time, something they find extremely precious being full-time mothers. Some, however, react the way my coworker described: offended and even irate.
To that, the only thing you can really do is understand that there is nothing wrong with your decision and to respectfully move on. If she’s being unreasonable, no need to give her an explanation. She clearly doesn’t deserve one if she isn’t willing to listen and respect your decision as an adult. At the end of the day, you are on your own time, own dime, and have no obligation to nobody other than loyalty to your loved ones.
Being A Single Man In With No Children Is Sort of Empowering, Isn’t It?
Believe me, the temptation will be everywhere. You’ll see your friends and family your age off shacking up and starting families. It may seem tempting at first, but remember why you’re single. More importantly, be thankful that you only have to worry about you. Take this time to focus on bettering yourself. Take more trips. Binge on more Netflix. Enroll in more classes. Maximize your health. Sculpt your dream body. Excel more in what you do for a living. Find your passion and take this chance of freedom to possibly explore starting from scratch. You’ll never know what you may discover about yourself and the world around you!
Life Isn’t A Race
There is no law stating you have to start settling down and starting a family by the time you’re 30. This isn’t the mid-twentieth century. You also have to remember there is never a reason to settle for less than what you want, deserve, and are ready for. Don’t view being a single man in your late 20s with no children and family as something to be ashamed of, but rather as something to cherish. If you utilize this valuable time in your life wisely, by the time you’re ready, you’ll know. And there will certainly be no regrets.
Best Books For Men In Their 20’s
An Asterisk next to the book indicates I own it/read it on my ebook.
*Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence- Amazon (Offers Kindle Unlimited, Paperback, and Audiobook)
10-Minute Mindfulness: 71 Habits for Living in the Present Moment (Mindfulness Books Series Book 2)- Amazon (Kindle Unlimited, Paperback, and Audiobook)
Becoming Supernatural: How Common People Are Doing the Uncommon- Amazon (Kindle, Paperback)
*The Break Up Manual For Men: How To Recover From A Serious Break Up, Become Stronger and Get Back Into Life –Amazon (Kindle Unlimited, Paperback, Audiobook)
*Left Alone to Learn (The Break-up Book) –Amazon (Kindle Unlimited, Paperback, Audiobook)
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself –Amazon Best Seller
The Surrender Experiment: My Journey into Life’s Perfection –Amazon (Kindle, Hardcover, Paperback, Audiobook)
Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender -Amazon (Kindle, Hardcover, Paperback Audiobook)
Starting A Business: The 15 Rules For A Successful Business (2018) Entrepreneurial Mindset, Business Startup Success (Starting A Business, Business Startup, Entrepreneurial Mindset) –Amazon (Kindle Unlimited, Paperback, Audio)
- *Working From Home Effectively –Amazon (Kindle Unlimited, Paperback)
Copyright (c) 2018 Blessedwithbalance.com, All Rights Reserved.